Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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