I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
