You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
