I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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