every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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