I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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