i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
