I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
