Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
