I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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Just invented taco cereal.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?