I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.