I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
