I think im going to throw up on grandma
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
