from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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