To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
