So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
