Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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