my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
