I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Congratulations! We have a period
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