There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
