I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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