..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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