Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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