if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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