The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
