sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
