Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
