At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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