I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
