Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
