is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
