I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
