a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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