2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
