The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize