OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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