I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
