i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
