i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
