Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
