sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
