It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
