I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
