you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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