I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i love accidental penises.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
