So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have tasted many bathrooms
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize