Sry I called you an 8
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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