i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you had me at cake vodka
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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