I cannot find my penis.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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