Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
