she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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