If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize