she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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