dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
