people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
