If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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