Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
