And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
