i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
