Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how can u be prego again
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
