shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
