if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In other news, I just burned my penis
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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