the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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