my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
