So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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