Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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