Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize