Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
